My Insides

All my life,
I have had dreams of becoming something.
To Be someone.
And here I am - out of school, not even working.
Nothing anybody says seems to faze me.
Even if I start now,
It is too late for my own desire.
How do I explain it to anybody,
To have them understand this is my life
The apple of my eye is rotting with my life.
Wallowing in my own pity I have rested upon myself,
And when I go to lift it, it's too heavy to move.
Why do I do this to myself?
This feeling of hopelessness just grows in my body
Like a dying plant,
How much soil do I rest on?
The lost city of Atlantis is just beyond my grasps
Where I could be everything I want to be in my minds eye.
But why do I let you breath my fate?
Why must you have the control to my future?
Nobody understands me.
And how much of a troubled teen do I sound like to you?
How much help do I need?
Nobody understands me.
Everyone tries to, but nobody really gets it.
To see someone who has it all,
I pale in comparison, and feel most invaluable.
It's my chain reaction that happens more than I like,
But I can drift off and forget about the life I live
So I wont have to deal with the present
But each day they grow bigger, and the roots stretch deeper into me.
Making my insides hurt.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2003