Losing Myself

My head is buried in the sand,
With the age of becoming waiting to crash down upon my fragile soul.
Inside me lies a small person in a very big world.
I get up and dust off the sand, telling myself I will not give in
To the unknown evils that lay ahead.
Taking myself on a search for the strength my mind lacked made my hands ache
I touched everything within me, but not my lost soul.
Fearing the worst, I panic and cry out "Where are you?"
Recieveing the response of silence.
I have done the unknown and misplaced myself.
Lost within myself, being lost within this world.
All the fear lies in my eyes, and they stay closed as I count to ten
When I open my eyes I will only see my surroundings and nothing else will matter.
As I open my eyes I realize how beautiful it is
Looking and wondering into the night sky.
In the valley of the shadow of death I find light
The light that creates the shadow.
Please help me! I need you, I yearn for you
My soul cries out for you, for I am lost and nothing without you.
I'm endlessly sailing like a baloon that can't be grasped.
You cant grasp my reality.
I crash and tumble towards the earth, a part of my life is unknown to the naked eye.
I scream deeply and passionatly
So much my body begins to shake
Help me find myself, help me draw closer to you
It is my only prayer that my body aches from saying.
Please, I ask from the deep pits of my broken down heart
Help me and lead me home.
So as I stumble
I come across a leaf that makes me question the purpose of this life that I live.
Why do I think to question the artists vision in me?
Tears roll down my face
And as I look to the sky I now see a cloud that formed directly overhead.
In this one cloud a raging fury of nature is unleashed.
It bursts with a clap of thunder and I sit and quiver.
The rain pours down like golden leaves in the fall, as innocent as nighttime fireflys.
It enters through the gateway that I so often push tears out of.
The eye of the storm simply captivates me.
The rain washes the streets clean and filles the gutters to the brim
To a breaking point, it fills me to my breaking point.
You cleanse my insides and make me sting with newness.
I am new when you are inside me,
So take over this lost ship at sea, turn hard to starboard and calm the waters that rage in me.
Spilling my souls pixie dust into others lives
Leaves only me to clean up the blood stains that I've some how created by crushing my soul.
Make no mistake, I all together collapse without your structure in my life.
The red blood pains the walls to my everyday reality and the stench lives in my life.
But you help me pick up the pieces and start over, paint the walls and create a new me.
Only you.
I look to the sky again and the rain has now passed
Now its just me and this overbearing sky leaning against my vision and instict.
It drys my waterways and helps complete the metamorphsis in me.
For sin was the cocoon that glazed over my eyes
But now I see, even if as burry as a babys newborn eyes.
Lord help me find my eyes..
Lord be my eyes.
It is simple to walk blindly when you have it easy.
But when you trip, when you stumble or backslide your true motives are known.
Thank you Lord for leading the way
I look forward to our future.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2004