Fade to Frail

Ever felt so emotionally unstable, unaware and unknowing
Yet to be at the center of it all
Just so frozen, so taken back.. so surprised?
A deer in headlights, but a thousand times worse.
Do you know what that feels like?
Do you know of what I speak of?
In my state of mind confusion...
My heart, my sea of love is willing... but it turn me inside out.
I see you with your arms open wide
But all I seem to do right, is fade to my frailness.
I wish the tears I cry would release me
But I am a prisoner.
Every tear shredding my soul once again.
Broken, I cleanse myself to my own paradox.
Tears land on me, alien to my skin because my skin is a virgin to its own tears
I don't cry.
I let tears stream down my face, but I don't cry.
These lines of moisture act as a chain that holds me captive.
Me and my heart of stone pours out of me onto the tears I shed,
and I am tired.
All the while I feel like I've become black & white, then gray.
Someday the glassy look in my eyes will break
And the flame in my eyes will burn brighter with each day.
Each day I try to change and everyday I try to change.. I fail.
My soul has been pierced, it has hurt me, and the blood has covered my face
It has stained me.
The pain, has become my peace.
All I do is fall on grace to get me by.
For the skin I'm in fights with the mind that pushes against its will
Embrace me, hold me.. and catch me from falling.
I look to you for the answer to the question
Blessed are the shadows, for souls they'll never reach.
I close my eyes and all I see is champagne pouring from the heavens
And a smile form on your face.
I pray until my knees are sore and my jeans have holes.
Thank you Lord for never leaving my side when I need you most
Please forgive my actions as my body knows not what harm it may bring.
Keep me close to you.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2005