Shoxwave - Part II

As I pulled over
I opened my door to a misty night
Walking in to find my place - it is but a game.
So there I stood,
It's midnight, and I'm at Albertsons
Taking a leak, in a half lit room.
I peer into the creme walls that stare back into me.
And I start to realize - and visualize my worth.
I may never be on the same track as you -
But this is the only track in my life, and I'm the conductor
It is only a matter of time, until people will get it
This judgmental disease that lies on the water we wash in.
I am no longer a part of your world
But someday our two worlds might collide.
And we would deal with it then
I have no love stricken eyes in my solar system.
Only my decision to write my future in the unspoken tongue
Surely enough do I realize this, do I enter my future.
Glancing over the bridge, the city glows to me.
And the windshield wipers spoil me from this fine mist falling above.
So what is left for me to say?
Have I found my place?
Do you hold my future in your delicate hands?
Who knows.
All I know - is what I'm told.
And if for some reason you do
Then we shall never say goodbye
And we can walk home together, as the mist brings assurance to our lives.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Enlightened Shadows

I got up from my desk,
Feeling as If I don't deserve this moment,
I walked to my screen door, feeling hurt.
Baby when your in pain - I'm in pain.
So come in and close the door.
He doesn't know the type of woman you are
Or the way you deserve to be treated.
I hold my feelings back,
And I know I should of been your man
Your lovin a fool, and are as blind as love.
So tell me what's on your mind..
I turn the light off to the world
Because even a puppeteer takes time off to sleep
I only go to bed when these stings stop piercing my wrists
When they loose their hold - your tears evaporate.
Finally.. being laid down to rest, I fall into blankets of thought,
With only you on tap.
I will comfort you, like these blankets of thought have me doing to myself.
And I will comfort you to the bliss of your crying
So place your hands on this big black book,
And finger over the past years regret.
I felt the breeze pushing in, and the night taking day hostage.
Pushing the pages to a new section, not yet touched.
But the leaves are falling to the ground, and the grass is slowly dying.
Not a scent of summer would you let me wither past mother natures eyes
Just the annexation of fall, with less time remaining to wade in glory.
What did he do to make you cry this time?
All he has done is cast a shadow on your heart,
And now it has me thinking of what he said
For I have kept my feelings hidden,
And now I write them, on this unwritten page
I was too embarrassed to admit, I too - was once in love
And to let those words wither past my teeth was a sign of weakness.
Let the notes of the piano be touched by your grace of music
And the remix of this story, have you loving the way to recovery
The way the world turns its head in awkwardness
It's hard to say
But if I ever fall in love again,
I hope it will be back with you
Hypnotized by the thought of this choice
To stay, or go
To tell my feelings, or shun them away and close the door
I cough up blood
As I prepare in the anticipation of life.
My stomach churns and ties in knots.
Take these leaves of poison out of my soul
For in this foggy seduction
I'm trapped taken hostage by this body of mine.
Like a paraplegic - It is the silver bullet of life
And the black rose to death.
But for every beginning,
There is not always an end.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

The Sky is Falling

What is falling, so high above me?
It is the satellite that is falling to the ground.
It has impact on the surface it touches.
Walking into the light..
The Christmas lights hang from the walls
And illuminates the room in peaceful glory.
In the middle of the room, and old man sits.
On an old brown couch, he watches TV,
An old Christmas carol.
He is watching his youth, and his pastime
So I sit next to him, in the slightly cool room,
And he covers me up with the warmth of his side of the blanket.
It is the comfort of having someone with you.
He would never let go,
And all through these years - he sat in disarray
Until I showed him my book.
It made him satisfied with his life,
No longer fearing death - but just accepting it.
He finally let go, and released himself.
Discovered face down, smiling - reading my book.
But it is the satellite that crashed my world
For when I went to greet him the next day,
A nurse was making his empty bed.
It is the tailspin of life that has me dizzy.
The sky is falling
I want the world, in a small little package,
But the sky is falling
And nobody is here to catch it.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Forgiveness

Sometimes you have to forgive someone
Because you want them in your life
No matter how much you deny it,
Or how much you try to elude the truth
Every fiber in your body counts the time you spend apart.
It plays the past back to you in your dreams.
When you finally forgive me,
You feel you have been scared
But who needs and excuse to rip open these scares,
And get to the foundation of things?
The disconnection of my thoughts made me tingle.
Falling silent
I sat - searching for words,
Words that could never fathom my reality.
The unspoken power that I hold is a big distraction
It sends my mind and body off course - to a different dimension.
Leaving me numb, my only antidote for the world.
Still something nags at me and has me asking,
Where do we go?
Even the smallest crevasse in your body feels this emotional shatter of thoughts.
So I write,
To compose my universe
And the construction of my life.
To shed my sorrows of the world, amongst ourselves
Yet still, in the candle lit paper - questions remain.
Finally in due time, I come to terms with myself.
I realize the answers can only be hurled at me
If I resume in the ultimate game, the quest of life.
It is my naturalization and integration to normalcy.
Time holds the answers
They lay hidden like a time bomb for all ages to feel.
So I can't let myself get caught up -
I must live, and carry on
But be preparing myself
For what lay looming amongst the horizon.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Poetic Justice

Hearing the cries is my poetic justice
It is the ghetto beat of the nation
The warm feeling of a family reunion
And the wet love of the golden rain.
The bus ride to camp,
And singing marry tunes all the way home.
A little kid missing his stop off the bus
Because he dozed off on the way
Waking up in tears, he gets off, and walks home.
It is my poetic justice
The sound of cheers from your friends basement,
And the power knocking time to a standstill.
Looking for poetic justice - I look for inspiration
Nothing more, nothing less.
It can be a line on a TV show,
Or a clap of lightening that sparks my vision
It is only through my eyes that I see the world.
It is the one constant variable, that nobody seems to care about.
Just me, my keyboard and monitor.
And the fear of the unknown.
The fear of failure,
And the way I look through your eyes
But what if I stumble and wallow in the rainless doubt?
Will you then be there, waiting at my windowsill?
The silent hum of the motor,
And the breeze rustling through the trees,
The touching line in a story book,
And my impression I made on you,
They are all a part of my poetic justice.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Golden Eyes

The sky is flooded with golden rain,
That's just pouring into my eyes.
My knees buckle like a bad football game
And I look up.
Only to be flooded with sensations of a new.
I am so astonished that I shaved with some mase
Unfazed by even my own actions,
Because you have something that I can't have, but need.
Your eyes talk but you are silent.
Its like going to the doctor for help
And getting murder prescribed by ink.
Only if you know the judge and the jury,
Will your sickness pass as a sip of death.
And soon after you can stop looking at the slip of death that you keep locked up.
Stop me from rolling in this love of death.
Or else I feel like I've got to run
The legs that carry me tell me I have got a soul that just won't die
It came with the talent of the creator
So will you answer my cry of intent
To get the keys, so I can unlock your heart?
Just a pen and some paper
As I scribble down my world, my dreams come true.
I live in a world of hopes, just as you.
But I'm livin on the edge.
It is the quiet storm that crawls before us.
And the noise that follows the cry,
The pure peace that resounds in me and you
Never shakes us from this moment and fabric of our time.
It is a freeze frame of our life.
You are blurred,
And my memory like this faded negative is gone.
If you know who you are,
Why not make yourself seen?
I have changed.
This whole experience is my revolution.
I will have no regrets this time around
As I realize my youth as a man was only my world as an impressionist.
I struggle and fight to keep these words alive,
As I step out of my own shadow.
I've been waiting for this moment, and here it is.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

A spin to the Acid of the Nation

Hold my arm like a drug attic
Squeeze above the elbow, watch the veins pulse
And shoot me up with the sweet substance of life.
It's not the singer that matters.. it's the fabric of the song
Something to qualify your life, and the way it lives you.
It replays on your eyelids.
We cannot serve your kind here.
The classifieds have only empty words to loan.
So you flirt with the dark side of the moon
Its the reality that has me in the shadow of things
Feeling the effects of this acid rain pour onto my skin,
I assure myself - I know my part.
The skins, the Japs, what's the difference?
Life kills my heart - strains it to its last string
When we start to dissect people we chop our liberty with it..
The hatred that lives within people,
Is incomprehensible.
I have gotten carried away,
I am empty to these souls of a different voice.
Screaming out my liberty as I hit reality.
So if I gain my piece of mind,
And lose my friends.. what have I have really gained?
What kind of man will I grow to be?
When I woo the spectators to look for a meaning to this racism,
Yes, I said it.
Racism.
The Vanity chases after them.
And the word speaks for it self, and eats so many people alive.
We are a kaleidoscope of people - in part, and whole, a nation.
Undivided by race or belief.
But who I am to say there isn't a double standard?
It makes no sound,
Yet can rupture a kidney,
Distend a pain,
Generate evil in the goodness of the people
You will never shut me down.
Is there a cure to this virus that spreads on the vermin of the nation?
Racism feeds on people.
I am proud to be an American.
I know I am free- only here, and if other countries take part,
In crashing the glass globe of our world,
We will pick it up, and mend to it.
Because in all of the glass, and blood - we will see one thing
One color.
Red.
If it takes a tragedy to make millions realize their demise, so be it.
Stop the hate, one person at a time.
It is a showdown, with education, and fools.
Wide awake I sleep and dream of a better world.
I miss blindness so much, that I search for it.
I yearn for it.
You are the only thing that rings clearly in this fog of despise.
Lord, help me smile, and the world realize its damned to suicide
For if it doesn't change things from the way they are, we all shall take part in fate.
So I shall take my fall and round up the locals,
To hear the spin on the same old story.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Dimensions of Reality

It is the contamination of the soul
Spewing out of our mouth
From which we see our fear, lying in the filth that remains.
Lying down and watching time fall,
Trickling down the stained steel weathered by time and time only, before our eyes.
Dripping with innovation, this little wrinkled finger pointed
And then turned to me as if to say
The lost ones have now been found.
I hear those old forgotten words
But I want to see this angel with no wings.
She fly's with the wings of time
Yet no strings are attached.
So do you wear your religion on your sleeve?
Branded a freak by choice.
We need to swallow our pride,
And take part in the crusade of nations alike.
Those words rang through my head like the hymns of birds.
The passion of the dark ones,
Rise up, and burn their hatred, like the numbers engraved in their skulls.
And somehow we think religion can be anything but personal
Nobody knows their place when it comes to this.
Its a tragedy that we wait to see what everyone thinks through a consensus poll
Before we act on the faith of the One so many claim to love.
It will change your world - this radical way of thinking.
But his voice is hypnotizing
And we crumble at the sound of sin.
He manipulates his breath to your very touch
The publics eye is in the sky - waiting for proof to fall down.
Can you change the dimensions of reality?
No, The only proof I have is women crying for days,
And they loose the vibrant color that lies deep within.
So I throw my hands up and yell of this American tragedy
Seeing this time wasted, never to regain consciousness of faith
I take action,
Running into this house of madness
I spill my innocence onto the ground.
We will never shine, if we don't swallow our hate.
Get out of the shade, and step into the light.
Jump rope in the rain, and when you become drowsy
Feed off the blood lost, as you bleed your souls sorrows.
And Revive the true meaning of your life.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Pure Bliss

The ignorant population
Helps me stand up and leave,
It is the judgmental consequence to reality.
The tip of your ears sense regret.
It is the iceberg of my titanic.
I choke on my own contradiction
And stumble on the drunkenness of the waves.
I shy away from this pool of purity
For when I muster up enough willingness to peer into it,
It stares back at me - with no reflection.
Have I lost my identity?
On the streets I have my wrist band,
My one thing to identify with.
Nothing more than my rubber band
That tightens around my voice box
And deconstructs its victims grasp like a killer.
It chokes my mind from thinking like the starving minds of the coming age.
Your big black eyes are as dark as I am
And still, you proceed to live out your dreams.
But my body is nothing more than a city of bones,
And a fragile face.
History will build a pond of past time.
Illusions spinning out of time.
Where the unhealthy do not contaminate the pages history is written on.
Are you hot to death?
It is the star-less night of the urban life.
Unglued and chest heaving for air.
Its shallow sky falls upon me.
And I scream until I am out of breath.
People finally realize shaping the empty space is out of this world.
Watch your life span anew.
This emotion is good to play with,
Only when the artist makes music in the castle of mine.
But the hatred pushes on and on.
Through my light house of time,
We martyr the whites off the face of the earth,
And martyr all blacks and all ethics,
So there is all but none.
It is that one laugh, that makes the serene stand out.
The world can then be blind to color, and never again open its eyes.
You fly above all of this.
You are my beacon of hope,
Your failure to comply with the coming of age, puts you in control.
I want to run from society - through the darkest forests.
Caught in a shadow of endless stretches
And entangled in the minds cobweb - of eye candy.
I need to compose myself and make a return to the spotlight.
And exhale..

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Lost in the Sky

Lost in my ways
And my paths in a stream
Can you feel the sky?
Full of silent screams
I opened the vines to find some ancient ways
The tears from the tree sunk into me
As if crying out to me
I'm going to need more than the strength of light
To shy away from you
So who wrote the book of love?
They have never seen me and you.
We talk to each other
Look in each other, past our eyes
Are these the days where the poets dream
And the children scream while running on the streets?
I'm a freak by Blood
And I roam the streets in the night
Like a scavenger
Scream at me and yell demon
And i'll just smile back at you and say
Gods got angels watchin over me.
I've survived a plane crash
One of five hundred
And I can't help but say
He's got angels watchin' over me
God works in weird ways,
And now he has me talking to you.
His eyes are full of compassion,
And his hands rest on my shoulders on those weary nights.
Even though I have never seen the hands that see me home
I hope to have my fathers eyes
I know he is here for me, all the time
The devil can't help but fight him
Send the angels who are damned
To take place in the battle of all ages.
But you are only hearing me say
God has sent angels to watch over me.
And if faith can move a mountain
I assure you - it can move in you too.
It can make a man cry,
And get on his knees and pray to the Lord.
It has sent a child to stand up to its fears
It can turn rock to water,
And water to blood.
Human love is not fulfilling
Grasp the love that is waiting for you.
Thinking that you someday will not be there,
Strikes me like a bad shot of whiskey,
It thunders through the ground, shaking the asphalt
Because I want see you there
Floating in the air
Singing in heaven
Take his hand
And someday we will be singing Hallelujah's chorus.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Beyond the Usual

Look beyond the empty cross
And under the city lights
To find the goodness in life.
As Mt. Kiliminjaro rises up,
Up upon the grief stricken land
Like an empress, bringing beauty and wealth.
The once brown dirt, is now lush, rich with soil.
Plant the seeds of life and watch it grow.
Our ancestors, in the sky
See it now as a mouth watering bowl of fried rice,
And taste it like a mouth of steam.
Teasing your senses
The reptile god rises up
She sheds scales on your skin.
The injustices of life.
I live with my choice,
The butane in my veins, is my gas chamber of life.
Open and search in the dust, the remains
To find some ancient melodies of happiness.
The screams, the cries, pour out into the night of me.
The frustration the rage,
The incomprehensible sorrow, and white leather.
As you wipe the slimy skin off your body,
You are reincarnated as a better soul.
With your masterful wonders of touch.
Touch my soul and tell me what I have done wrong,
And where I will go wrong.
So if you could go back in time and change things,
What consequences would it have?
If Malcolm X wasn't assassinated,
Who would have taken his place?
It is the techno music of a dream,
The strobe light of reality
Letting you fall into nothing, endlessy.
Where the time moves so slow.
Like the time it takes these cold blue lips of the boys face,
To form a smile,
And his mother kisses him and turns away
As the blue smell of the morgue turns him over.
Looking,
Searching for a reason not to give up on this wretched world.
I turn my chair from the destruction on TV and the insomniac reporters of the world,
And I sit back and engulf myself in the misery of my happiness.
Know that nature kills nothing to the naked eye.
But society kills everything else.
Let me compose my thoughts on this tear distraught paper,
And smell the fragrance of you all over again.
The life of a goddess,
The dream of a king.
The pursuit of their problems
Catch up with them in deaths grip.
As the pages unfold, we can say the story has now been told.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

The Fogged Entrance

The fog sits on the hills shoulders
And the mist reaches to the ground
I hear nothing but complete silence.
The eloquence of the moment,
And the cool weather meshes to make this trophy- I call the morning.
As refreshing as a shower, or a midnight swim.
The sun pushes aside this nonsense.
I unlock my car, and step to the new rageem.
Where we do not see anything but hard concrete
And the parking lights glowing in the mist.
It retains me like a jar of water.
The universe can not contain my wonder
Surely the world can't come close.
And as the moon surpasses the sun
It is made known that I've already been kissed by power
This rapid heart beat paces the song of life.
But the light hits my gloom and fades.
It is the foggy entrance to oblivion.
Shimmering, and taken for granted.
Like the grain of salt you hold for me, and see expire.
I may never live up to the expectations for your little girl,
But I want her words to say more than they do on paper.
I want them to mean more.
Having the explosivness of a thousand bombs,
With no trumpet for warning.
A word is worth a thousand pictures.
Let her drown my spirit, and put it out of misery.
I press the keys back and the car shut off,
It shuts down.
I will shut down without the love of her.
It fuels me, like gas - to go on.
Without it, I stop and lose control.
The humid air can be wiped off with a sponge,
And the clothes worn ragged, talk volumes.
On the front porch I talk with the stale intent of choice.
My pitchfork in my life.
Where do I go from here?
Take my world apart, and find my choice that lies
Hanging in the air.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

The Imagination Factor

The emptiness has left,
Struck by awe - I stare at you.
Like a chef making a masterpiece
And a hungry boy tugging at his shirt.
Intent on finding the right smell,
He pushes him aside.
The studies on his face,
And the makeup of your wardrobe,
Place together our fate like a puzzle.
Like a dream, I blink and your gone.
Crying over it.
For I can smell you in the wind,
Choking on tears over the smell that only a smoker would know of.
Yearning you for so long,
Tasting you with my heart
Just to see you whisked away
Is too much to handle.
By the gates of this unfair world
I stand like the persecuted in the second world war.
Heal the pain hidden in my crevices,
And use the special touch to relate in silence
In a way only you know how.
For it is only then that we can start to see
The deeper image standing beside us.
Flooded with emotion of past victories.
It is the imagination factor that leaves you here.
It's like a burnt out light,
That needs to be replaced.
It flickers,
Like a repeating record -
Doomed to live out eternity in the moment.
We can only proceed with caution,
Without the fairy dust of Disney.
You return,
Pinch me, and if you are to stay with me,
Let me sort the unfinished work of my life.
Take things slow, and finish the untold story.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Kodak

Slain by those sleek eyes
Dripping with gold, and exceeding limits.
Getting in fights - within me.
A matter of self conflicts, of interests
The intent of the words that I read
Were not designed to be damaging,
Wipe the gold off your eyes,
And you are just the candle in the darkness.
No one to chastise.. only to apologize to.
Anxiousness sets my disposition
And talks to the popular culture.
Some admittance to glory would be nice.
It has desecrated my friends.
It's a indelible mark on the time I spend with them.
Sitting and churning in my stomach
Like poison ivy - it infects.
This divine wine,
Surged through my throat,
It has a little serpent in it, but
I required to be drunk with the goodness of the vine.
I can perceive you clearly,
But will I recollect any of this?
I am different - but can you tell the contrast?
You are the boat,
I am the drawbridge.
I am the grass,
You are the four leaf clover.
Long after the media leaves me
We replay some of the best times in our demise,
Living out our lives as descendants.
You know what to say to me to make things stronger.
Is it genuine?
This security, this bond I dare to hold with my bare hands.
Or just extreme memories
Fashioned by the years
Refined by the Kodak it lies on.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Exposed

In this sub par game of life
That I seem to dig deeper - wider holes into
I look to take my shot, get ahead -
To cover my emptiness
I can't turn my back on this,
And I can never shy away from a challenge like you.
As I hold your face, to look into mine
I am covered with skeletons of the evening.
Shadows so deep, they awake in the night
But you want to see the negatives of my film.
You want to see my confession?
Make a gash on my wrists and life comes rushing out
My life in pure form,
Watch it as it pours,
And drains the waste I call my life, down the sink.
But I can see your angelic frown
I'm going to tell it like it is
You know I want to show vital signs
Like the spontaneous dream of my life.
Plotting out my slaughter,
My life, feeling the sting of your kiss.
For I no longer feel the sensation of my nation.
No longer entangled with the strings of paradise
I sought to hold and protect my heart
They thought the game was over.
And now they come to sense with me in mind.
Piano tunes play out my existence.
It makes me want to find a cure to my insidious reasoning.
And only the scum of a diner in this small town
Lets me relish my damnation.
The crooked shots of Jack Daniel's show me inside.
It lets my faith become un-caged.
So step on this plank to hear the antagonistic cry from heaven and hell.
And walk my life through my eyes.
Wasting nothing and having nothing to regret.
Deconstruct your safety net, and take chances.
The adrenaline shoots like heroine into your brain
Screaming through the tears that roll
Uncovering the unknown of everyone.
I want your hands on my shoulders, and whispers in my ear.
I want to see you there.
But will you ever let me fly without holding me back from failure?
Open up your mouth and let our souls unite through peace.
For everything else fades out
And you see the murmuring of my mindless chatter.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Wide Open Arms

The translucent fog of the weather glass
Shines brightly
The night reflects off your eyes
It makes me want to shed my tears.
I want to seize the sky,
Through your eyes.
The liability all on me.
So come with me, Exult the moment - rejoice.
I have vanquished the demons that sought me,
The antagonistic hollers from below
Now just echoes in the moonlight.
This shadow of a shade covers our homes.
We are all apart of this animated life.
And when the moon shuns the sun
We start to see what our world really looks like.
Every night our heart sinks with the sun
Escaping reality for just a night
Repulsive structures of the 21st century
Make us forget our sorrows, and pains.
Making circumnavigation, yet returning with a heavy heart
The redundancy plays on my lips
Like the dejavu of a lifetime.
The discontented nature makes me fumble at the sight of grace
And I hold my head strong.
For in the blinding moments,
I grow with great age, and move others with discontent.
So unleash my chain,
And let me live this life I am in.
I am a man, with arms open
Screaming at the top of his lungs.
Thankful for everyday I have.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Star Gazer

I have been up all night
Trying to spend my dream
Because I sit in my room all night,
And think of you.
I need true love.
Living in the past - has became my reality.
But I am going to swallow my emotion
And take the bullet.
You were someone who was there for me,
But you have became just a voice
And a choice to call,
Which has became a whisper when you answer.
You know that the space between us, lines your face
And the galaxies line our thoughts.
With the linen being thrown out,
I run my hands run across the stars.
They glitter in your eyes like Christmas lights.
I just want to become a better person
It's a fantasy that comes to mind,
And if I am to move on, and become strong
I must leave you behind.
You and your face is in my song,
In my dream
And in my thoughts.
I wake up at night and cry
Waking up from this dream, it is a fantasy
Like a forest fire that has gone on for years
I have been burned,
I have had enough
But I do not know how to stop the pain,
The fire that churns inside
And the scars that are left behind
Cannot be hid,
Because they are a inedible a part of me.
Making the fabrication of my life
And everything I live on.
If I slip up
I get a gun in my face
But what am I?
I am going insane
I know the path I have chosen to walk
But can't I get up out of bed,
After having night mares holding my pillow close
And then walk the path.
It was the saddest day
The day I realized who I was.
It was tragic
The sparks flew,
But who dared throw rocks at me?
You have broke my heart,
And now I am left to sweep up the pain
I am going nowhere fast,
But if my wheels stop spinning,
I am left wondering through this insane vision
Would you jeopardize your inner secrets?
Take a ride with me, and see.
And step under the waterfall of journeys
So we can make new stories I can write about.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Parting Waters

The music playes
In a distant shadow of light.
As the people clapped their hands
They have hope in their eyes.
This lush village, flooded by hope
Like Moses parting waters
From my world to yours
A path is made.
But can you find it?
In this world of wet,
We are torn into two halves.
High above, the angel blows his horn
And fire rises up from the sea.
As you make your way to me, be careful.
For you feel the warmth, the reminiscence of the sting
As the coals cool beneath your feet
This deranged world through your eyes
A divine indifference from me to you.
Running from the demons
Who bring you down, on your knees.
Like the coals that once scared your feet
You find pointess to hide.
A phone book without numbers
A ship without stars to guide it,
What is this demeaning culture coming to?
But my story is aged
And these brittle pages crumble on touch
It is this weird sensation
Is my only intoxication
To live every moment
That she breathed into me.
The plucking of the strings on the guitar
Shatter my soul
And as the thunder backs off
The smell comes on strong,
It is the unmistakable fragrance
Of Gods mind game
When they finally throw me up
And crucify me for who I am
I will be found guilty by association.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Blue Carnation

Upon this brown field
A blue carnation hangs from your chest
As you peer up,
Looking at the vanilla sky
The spy glass, now centuries old
Whispers the secrets of life to you,
Wisdom and courage lies in intolerable amounts.
Life plays many tunes - but do you accept my offer?
It unites our souls by meaning.
Place it upon your finger and come with me.
Towards this shadow of death,
The breaking foundation pushes upward
As we grasp for control our faces turns red.
With the wind pushing upon us, we coast to power
And we heave as we start to take momentum.
And yet we still do not slow down
In fact I use the trees to guide our hope.
As the sun rolls off the edge of the world.
With impedimenta I stop, I get up
Letting the blood rush back into the face
And letting time catch up with me
Sweat breaking out over our body like the west Nile virus
The polio of the 21st century
Running towards this sea of black
Caught Breathless
My body is an ice cube.
Riding on the high voltage of life,
Shocked by the waves that blind-side me.
This sea of black moves under my feet
I look to see that I am confined
The head rising up - in this sea of Lucifer
Cries spew out its name
And I look to see lights afar
The light on the cabin flashes for the attendant
I wake up to see your sleepy head resting next to mine
Help me crawl under the sheets
And hide from the face of the world.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Red eyes, sleepless days.

Its Technicolor in a black and white world.
Its putting time into a freezer,
To watch the seconds creep slower to nothing.
You can now sit back into the endless time
The warm misty infection sets upon your shoulders
Settling into your soul
And it warms you like a warm drop of honey
Leaving you radiating warmth in cool weather.
I see the sun broadcast happiness through your eyes
And it astounds me.
Is there any fabrication to my life?
Can I have passion that flows through you
Or am I stuck aimlessly walking the beaches?
The vagueness kills me, choking my thoughts in a cloud
I am perplexed with the depression bursting through my skin
I am restless,
So paint me red.
So you can say that you have read through my games.
The endless wonder of a simple mind.
Who will heal the pains inside of me?
I am behind in the pursuit of the world
I am sleepless
Do you know someone who feels the pain inside me?
Deprived of my nature
Broken in pieces on the cement ground.
So gather around the architect
And when the world fails to piece me back,
With a stick and some glue
We turn to the Lord who says
Come onto me,
And I will give you rest.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Inside the Smile

A touch in the dark
A kiss in the night
This girl who seeks my face
Standing at my crossroads
Looking for me.
Nowhere to be found,
For I am looking at my surroundings
Just an emotional wreck about to crack
And the sun heals me like gasoline
I am tired and need shelter from these thoughts.
Hush little baby don't you cry
Daddies going to sing to you,
And before you drift off
The lord is going to answer my prayers.
I am plodding through my challenges
I am yours
To make to mold and to create.
Please don't let these places
These people, these things
Effect me, and become reality.
Dreams and goals seem so distant,
With the slithering of a snake.
My eye lids are peeled open from shame
As I pick up my cross,
The splinters stick into my hand.
Hear my prayers, and come to answer them.
This empty space between me and heaven
I am an empty cup
Fill me up - with the visions of you
Without them.. I am good as dead.
I want to shout from mountains,
Above sky scrapers, and near planes
My love and passion for you.
I had a dream about being a freak of god.
It never astounded me,
The way they acted, talked and spoke.
We looked at the stars the same way you do.
And watched the snow fall inside the house of love.
Rain or shine, I will be standing in that roofless altar
On my knees before everyone else,
And only being seen through the eyes of you
Where people cry outside for the savior of life,
I smile for my palms grasp reality.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Dear Stephanie

Flesh and blood
The water sits in stagnant silence
And toils with my flesh
It irritates me
I am left with the scratching sensation
Bleeding my tears
He didn't die for nothing
Tearing you apart..
From the inside out
Sitting at home at night
With tears running down your cheek
A warm condolence,
To a cold dark apartment
Am I dying inside for nothing?
A romantic moonlit night
With one person still by the shores
The shores of my fears
And the beach of my past.
My arms are showing age
And the empty arcs in them are spoken for
But the tears still flow
And from the hard rain that impairs my judgment
It leaves the water deposits on the island
Leaving my world in a flood
For you are my ship,
And like these waves that drown me
The water pours on my soul
The Dark sky discourages me,
And the thunder threatens me
And without you I sink
Loosing my footing, and falling into blackness
So tell me why you lay so silent
On this hospital bed
And tell what's going on.
I cry in your dust at the house
Fearing that I am permanently
Physically abused by the memories
Of me and you.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Broke Down on Earth

The angel with broken wings,
Fell back to earth
So put a tattoo on its hurt pride
And dust off it's worldly shock.
Its eyes are so lonely,
So talk to it, and be with the angel.
Hitting the ground, becoming one with the people
Pick up the feathers from the wings,
And mend to them.
The angel falls to earth, and you wash its feet.
Care for it's every need, and show it love.
Feeling the vibrations of heaven rub off
You are sent to a different dimension for moments at a time.
Talk about the sights above the city, and above you.
From the peaks in Africa, to the farms in India.
The angel talks with emotion from a higher source,
Used as a microphone, of how wondrous the earth is.
The filth of the 21st century is destroying it,
And themselves in the actions - you are a part of the crowd.
Deconstruct your lifestyle,
And stop waking up doing the same things,
Thinking of the same people.
The angel was with you, and in your heart.
It beat for the love you sought in it's eyes.
And the fulfilness you wanted,
That you saw glomming - resting in him.
Go back into your room, and close the door
And cry for it to all stop
The torture, and the drama - and the events.
Wake up the next day, and determine your existence.
The foreign music plays, and the world spues more waste.
Illusions of what life should be, bounce in your head.
Life, death resurrect - he knew his existence had a point.
Living in this day in age, our cry's get drowned in the crowd,
Thinking of death - and a way to stop the pain,
We look for a cure of this mess we call our lives.
Help the angel on it's feet, and give her sandals to walk on.
And as you speak towards the sky,
Sometimes you wonder if you are speaking to yourself
And you are reassured by the changing events in your life.
Finding the meaning of life, can be played as a game.
Girls look in the mirror and cry over what they see,
And guys look past the mirror, into a false smile.
Who are we to call, when the game we are playing
Starts to play us?
Is it real - this feeling I feel?
This world hands us sorrow and grief,
Keep your mind in a higher place -
Do whatever you can do to survive.
If you are a broken wheel,
I will catch you when you fall,
And keep your face away from the fire.
As you are feeling that you do not belong on the face of the earth,
Know that I will be here for you.
Having no meaning, and no purpose
Let your two minds drift worlds apart.
As the thoughts surround you and take you in
You can start to reconstruct your world.
And let the angel fly back into the sky.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

It's Personal Consumption

The words fall,
Blindly upon me.
The red letters glare at me,
Daring me to be something that I'm not.
You have a right to believe,
Believe whatever the latest consensus says you should.
Don't be radical about anything,
And when you are ready to take a stand and show a hand
You will feel the sting of a raw arrow
With the poison on it -
Contaminating your faith.
Stay with your steady pace.
Let others know how you dress, not how you should.
What are your views?
Not the views you read about, or talk about
And if you dare to step over the line
You will simply be shot down
By the sniper of the world.
You will then fall back into your hole of self contamination
Into the cage
The cage of the gifted,
The cage of the retarded.
Where you can be looked at like an animal
And stared at like a beast
The cage for you.
Lash out at everyone like the wild animal they perceive you as
Or be passive and have a self realization meeting with yourself.
Is it then you will get back up and try again?
It's cold outside
So close the door to hatred,
Close the door to these thoughts,
Leaking through the screen
Like my bonded forgetful past.
You can sit and form groups,
And be afraid of little boys running around yelling jihad.
Even in hard rain the fire continues to do its damage,
Horrific images of the flag burning on foreign soils.
Lord lift me up and take me to a higher place.
When the ending starts to take place
The wheels will be set in motion that lay dormant for years
Where will you be during all of this?
I am on the edge of society,
And about to be pushed off the face of the world
The stench of humanism is on a rise
I choke as I try to think for myself
You are my strength, my light and hope.
I call on you when I crawl
And forget about you when I am leaping bounds.
I call upon myself for a change
For a higher stanmia to take place within me.
I am picking up the phone
That has been ringing in my soul
Not the one that calls upon you
When I am lying in the ER,
Thinking of all my bad
Promising to you, and swearing off on my life
Help me be consumed by you.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

The start of JFP

I am soaring on the wings of you,
Looking below me
Trying to leave the world behind
Being caught up in the act of it,
Deeper than tears
And deeper than me.
I am with you.
Grab the spirit,
Watch it flow like the majestic waterfalls
Over shores of sand
Deeper than an ocean
I cannot touch the bottom
Take my breath away
And if I start to sink
I will clear the liquid out of my throat
Because you will be there, to guide me.
I am broke - on my knees
But you fix everything
And make everything right.
Play the songs that relate to me,
And the words that are a brother to me.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Complicated

You are acting like someone else.
But this time I am at fault.
Am I not normal to the skin?
Do I look different to the touch?
If I go around preaching the bible,
You promise to me that we won't get along.
Do you want me to promise you,
That I won't be myself,
That I won't have my belief?
This goes beyond belief
I am beside myself.
You take me to the core of the person
Rotted like an apple in a dump.
Should I not want to share my views?
Or just not talk about it.
Who wrote, that I am not that type of person?
I am what I am,
Branded a Jesus Freak, but that's not the point.
What made you say those words you said
Was it the pure fact of your intelligence?
Or pure shallowness of the world that is set about you?
I am outraged by the words that struck me
Feeling shocked
Like I had just been hit on my blind side.
And the anger manifests in me.
Be the person I grew to know you as,
Not someone so subjective

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Religious

He had life after death
He was resurrected.
As you find your place in this world
Cry and let your eyes burn,
Your cut's sting.
Open your inner self to me,
Let your soul be free,
All hands will coordinate to the sound of a breath
But my hands feed into the panic of greatness
And I fail my incredulous climb.
I am stopped from hitting bottom, because of you.
Open up your body,
Let your soul be free.
The thunder of my fears,
Blurred with the chaos of the world,
Sing clearly to the damned.
The red letters stare at people
In a true moment of honesty
They cry out to a deeper, clearer soul
And in the words find profound meaning.
Fingers dripping with water
And wrinkles of a new
I am in heaven.
Walking with God,
Into the odyssey of dreams -
But this is reality, and I am with him
Forever.
The truth is out there.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Artful Purfication

The death is art
And in this hurricane of self pity
We stood by the Altar,
I turned the knob and called your bluff
My ignorance let the fury in the room
And we watched the beast eye us down for the weaker one
Feasting on fear - he grows and hisses
His eyes penetrated my skull and made me feel faint
Infected by the skin I'm in
Purification
I will bleed my youth on the floor
Soaking up what is left of you
Rising up again as an old man.
I don't want to get carried away,
But I am at a loss of words.
With those red eyes peering into my soul
I stumble like a blind man
As I see the truth
And I could hear nothing else
But the grace of God.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Death of Our Age

Running into me
And passing overhead
Like a stolen guitar
But you never stop
And I keep running towards you
Only now you are behind me.
It is the union that makes the soul
I choke on the words
But these words get past beyond my throat
And past my lips
Ringing clearly to the mind.
How can I be me, and you be human?
I face the microphone, feeling the drama
Sweating blood, I step on the stage
I fumble in your pockets for change
And give the man an earth's worth of shouting
Plotting out the death of our age
I hand him the change, and turn my back.
Am I ruining the once majestic waters.
They are yelling at me,
You can't bring something like that to the table
Just to drop it on the floor
They insult me,
My intelligence.
It is a setup for a slaughter,
And you can not kill my spirit
Or my faith.
Stand afar and watch the work done within me.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Death Head

Death in the head
Will destroy the soul.
It drains my life out of me
Drawn out, like a IV of blood
Nothing yet has really sunk in
It looks like it always did.
I know I'm diving into my pool of destruction
And I am educated on this subject.
But my knowledge is a bitter wealth.
Like a bottle of rainless champagne
And after I'm gone
I will be plucked out on my own
To a sight in front of the tables of judgment.
Fight your tears
For I have the arc of an angel hanging over me.
And the golden violin is playing overhead.
Rest your mind
And celebrate my life.
I want to see the love again,
Resting in your eyes.
I will be watching over you,
Now and forever.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002