Failures Unseen

As the woman drives down the street
She wipes away tears from her eyes;
Cars pass her by on this unforgiving night.
Arriving at a park she stops and gets out,
So now she walks down this never ending street.

Someone stops her to say hello,
she greets them and smiles
She can't - she won't breakdown in front of you,
only when nobody is around,
can you really begin to understand who she is.
Greet me with a smile and I’ll look past your puffy eyes,
I don't want to see that you've been sleepless
To see you and acknowledge you in your broken state of being
Would require a little something of me.

And will you take notice when I'm gone?
Do you realize that this seat is empty and dusty?
How many times I've seen you and others move on,
Many times I've sat back and watched a section of my life
Move to the dormant stage.
And myself? I move backwards... away from the limelight

My flame still burns for you,
The candlelight falls to the dark of the world
And the wax has built itself up
Now I am content with my thoughts in the back of my mind,
But I am disconnected from you.

All of this anger I have,
Is aimed at all of my very own downfalls
Something I can never seem to do right
Is just be... Yet, I continue on-
Each day bringing new heights of failure to my naked eyes.
I fail so much that I fear it is becoming a norm
Something I don't wish for anybody.
My only friend is the emptiness inside me...
It truly can relate to how I feel all the time.
I struggle with life, I struggle with God

Poem by J.A.D. © 2006

A Rivers Withdrawal

I feel as if I must put up this wall
Cold sweat drips off my forehead,
To let you think things go deeper than they are

You will let me shed a tear and write theological words
As I impose my will, you will think of me higher,
Think of me deeper...
Think of me everything I am not when I think in this river of thought.

It cascades around me
So let me withdraw and pull back from any true relationship
As I repeat my own history that I despise.
I fail at everything I try,
And I suceed at doing everything I wish I didn't.

I am endlessly bleeding these thoughts.
Every heartbeat hurts
No love in the sky but maybe
Someday you will love life like my heart aches to live..

Poem by J.A.D. © 2006