--- © Poetry Section from year 2002 ---

Precious

I need to be lost in the hands of time.
Leaving this place where so many overcome the stronghold of happiness.
I left in a flurry of doubt
As I try to blind myself.. I stand upside down
Blood rushes to my head
And now I find myself clothed in the goodness of God
Closing my eyes to the inevitable blackness of my place
But hey
Stand with me
Have some faith
Faith that things will turn out ok..
But it will only do harm.
It is amazing how the happiest time of the year..
Can turn into the most depressing.
Come with me..
And enjoy the silence.
I have filled my eyes..
With everything that I want...
But.. that's not enough.
Even if I am tasting these objects I crave for with my bare hands
I need more.
I've wanted and needed.. but I can't fathom something greater than reality.
I don't know how to say it... it almost can't fathom the words I have waiting for it..
This time I will watch for sharp objects and two sided swords
Until I can learn how to fall with grace
I will learn how to breathe a little easier.
After hearing those piercing cries slashing away at my soul
I'm left to find the antidote
How to seep the cries that spew from your soul
A bottle of sunshine for when things look bleak - I hold in front of you
I have something you want too.
Grasping it like an old man who just found a bottle whiskey, you take part.
And in this song.. I dedicate to you.. and your loyalty
Thank you for being with me through the times when I felt all would fall apart
Thank you for saving me when I was 6 feet below the gravel of reality
For even being with me when my safety net collapsed
You were there to catch me.
For even when I was screaming through my eyes... you consoled me.
Your unyielding belief in me.. has helped me though the hardest of times.
Thank you for being my friend
Hopefully someday I can return the favor
And be a flavor in the dimmed light of faith.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Solemn Hands

My life has been taken hostage by myself.
For these hands have killed for my free will they relinquish.
I have taken hold of this shotgun and pressed the barrel against my chest
I am yelling at them to take action
Panic.
The mass confusion swarms over my body like the flu
This time
Watch for sharp objects.
For my soul is covered in blood, and my head in the clouds.
And you know not the impact and the weight your words carry.
Scars are souvenirs that you carry with you
It's unthinkable.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Soul Mate

There is innocence in the words
All I want to do is give everything up.
I want to look into your eyes like a stargazer
And show you how amazing of a person you really are.
You make me cry and laugh all in the same breath.
How can one person affect me so deeply?
The words that I am writing are blurred with tears forming in my eyes.
My chest is pounding so much, it hurts.
I can't breath for I am afraid the moment will pass me by.
These words rang clear to my soul
True love comes once in a life time, so don't let our souls part.
Now that I truly see you, I feel I can not turn away
Those precious brown eyes feeding into my emotion could melt the hardest heart.
I hang in blessed suspension to see the peace form in your eye.
The rain that falls in night
And the song that grows in sync with each day.
Feel the vibes falling between your fingertips,
Like snow tumbling downward through your hands
The fluffy substance of life that you just can't catch
Standing head up - mouth open,
Some day you will get it right.
I showed up all wet with judgment, wearing nothing but my colors on my sleeve
It is so hard to be judged by patience,
When all you want to do is move on, and get further as quick as possible.
Unless you have that spirit in the sky that is calling all angels to help you.
It leaves you with a feeling that consoles you,
It helps you realize that you are looking at something bigger
Formed by the same pressure that pushes against your chest
In your time of need that could probably paint a sunset
You just can't describe the feeling.
How do you describe listening to the sunrise with wonder washing your window.
My dreams are coming true.
It's a wonder if I am touching heaven, or maybe I am just reaching...
Scratching on the heels of Jupiter.
So many moons I have seen.. but in such a different light.
I have digested my thoughts - and still my mind drifts on this sea of thought
Help me chart my trip
I stumble at the flame for this burning passion of water that I hold.
For the candle light bursts into this thirsty land - like a angel
I murdered to kill the rights of myself
And now I hold the scribe of my future in hand with light to read,
Falling silently in awe for the things to come.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

I'm Blind

As the sun shines through the evening mist
I get goosebumps crawling up my spine
Hear me calling you
They are daggers stabbed in my soul
She has a little serpent in her drink,
Just enough for the sword to kill.
Holding me by the neck in a speechless angle to the world.
I believe - do you?
The one thing I ask of you
Is to not accept my regrets.
Is it real or are these feelings counterfeit?
These secrets you have indulged in
I wonder through her mind in its entirety.
I meet up with a mess of thoughts
I don't want to cry anymore
I need a cure to my weakness of you.
The neverending saga of deconstructing Jason
Suspension from the eyes that saw into the world
I get what was coming to me
I know why I felt like I have been kicked in the stomach
It is this thing, this taste of defeat
And living a lie, shunt go any further.
I built up a lie, and made it a moutain
So now I jump.
It takes one.
Just one conversation
To make everything come to focus
Through the specs of the glasses all creditability has been lost
Just one conversation makes my world stop spinning.
The truth and the lies.
I dont want to take these doses of reality
Like some cherry nyquil that makes you want to puke.
My eyes search over the words
They are filled with compassion.. skipping the most important part.
Classic case of boy meets girl.
Those few little words always pop up.
I will love you,
Now and forever.
Even if I am watering my mind with the condolences of reality,
I am still blind in the light of you.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Raw

In other countries far from this mundane existence
People get killed for their faith... here we struggle with the word of faith.
It's about standing up for your belief and your religion
And not becoming just a face in the crowd.
Doing what God called upon us to do.
People don't live on faith in this country
People die for their belief in God throughout the world
And in America we struggle to believe
What makes you a believer?
I'm talking about the fruit from your life
Who can say that they have ever just fallen into belief?
It's just the plain and simple fact
That going to church and praying... makes you a believer?
Don't you show something through out your life?
Is there some toll that it takes on you?
Is it just the fact of believing that shows you have faith?
It reflects back on life as a whole
Just because you pray or go to church
That doesn't make you a believer.
I think if you live your religion... and what you believe
You have something to show for it... by the end of the day
Not something of fabrication.. but sentimental
And it is something that America lacks as a whole
Just because you do it doesn't make you a believer
You have to have a reason deep down and it has to be sincere
A passion.
You can't go half way
The world will not tolerate this evidence they can show you,
They will know you are false, like everything else about your existence
And everything else in your reality.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Ashley

You place your hands on the wheel
Gripping it..
Her and her magnificent beauty overlook this mutants domain.
The flowing golden hair,
And every move meant to strike your senses.
The veins in your temples pulsate from the heat as you stare the intruder down,
You leave a heat grip from the palms of your sweaty hands on the steering wheel.
My senses heighten on the tip of my ears...
Reflexes sharpened and vision enhanced,
My eyes have widened
Adrenaline flows, and music plays
The tense shadow flees in a flurry of doubt
The rush of my power makes me choke,
And eventually my pulse drags back to normal
If I could stop all my problems who do you think I would be?
It is the question that has caught us all
So I bleed the foggy smoke of exhaust from my car,
And go on my way,
There is no need to worry.
Turning on the AC, and feeling the breeze push against my face
I turn down the street with little fallen light
The sound of the music plays on the radio,
Sending me in a wave of convulsions to the past.
Dream on and ever after
Oh the heated days,
And blinding nights
Only the moon puts me in my place
A higher place, where millions look to.
What keeps me alive?
Basketball.
I don't want to say I'm sorry
But my feelings for you are still strong
I want to hold you in my arms, and look in your eyes
And never let you go.
High off this substance, a little something called love.
Love for what some call a game, held high with fundamentals.
That's what takes me high.
Nothing more but a selfless act of words.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Beneath the Shell

I am sending chills by words
Drowsy, drowning in this headache of mind control.
Walking in the room I am intoxicated by the perfume of your grace.
It is something no other woman can pull off quite like you
All I see now is the silver outlining of heaven
These white doves singing up above, and the man in a red tarp.
I thought I had you smiling, but I have said too much,
Too much in a world that expects too little from me.
Are you ready to die for me?
Or is it death that has you question your existence?
If you are afraid of the book of revelation, then live to die,
And smoke some anthrax, drink this glass of aids with me
And pop these pills of death
But if you live on the hot edge of life,
You make me stop, and look around.
In a wonder that is so great, it's no mystery how it has me tipsy
Predestined to have a head on collision with reality,
Waking up in the morning to a glass of water and some Advil.
But my reality check has bounced, and left me cutting through the wind.
Through the air I fall, like an angel with no wings
It's a simple eclipse of the substance of reality, that keeps me walking on the clouds
You are my only ray of light up here,
And you shine light on this train wreck I call my life.
All these politics of love and hate have me soul searching..
It is the relevance, in light of the words spoken
That has resurrected my feelings hidden beneath the shell of my soul.
So as another morning light slithers up your bed sheets
You hang up the phone - and just think of me.
Reunite the phone with the receiver and see your morning grow old
Drift into the oblivion of the unknown and wait for me.
Clearing your future - the dial tone, of my existence.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

The Neverending Saga

When its all over - said and done
The words on the page will not justify my feeling
For my soul acts on the feelings of this rage
That wants you in a glimpse, taking pictures of my soul.
Still someone is left in the stands, shaking hands.
You see, there are two people between the lines in the words we are waging.
Who are infatuated, over others - and caught in life's affairs.
His world is torn into two halves, that makes up the sphere he walks on.
So now I am turned to undermine authority.
Taking pictures, of the murder weapon
And casing my soul will only make the evidence clearer
Because everyone can see, those foggy mysterious eyes
That have me caught in a dizzy faze, a minds trap.
Emphatic in my ways, to make a change
I play with the thought, kicking it back in forth
Tossing it like a baker cooking a pizza
Who is to feast with me if I drop the ball?
What if I stumble?
I must fight the stereotypes of friends alone
And walk to the consequence of questions.
So if God sent to the earth - an angel
Untouchable by the beauty and angelic grace she held,
What would she look like?
If she is out there, she is lost in the faces.
I am the dragon chasing the moonlight
And I make the prayer that keeps me breathing
Searching for her is like racing the sunset
Inevitably you will lose.
My heart flutters.. and it won't stop
It has me catching myself, for pacing the floors is real,
I must make myself stop, and let it come to me.
When it's all said and done, I do have one friend, and one untouchable element.
It is time,
Yes, Time.
Time is the never-ending waterfall,
Pouring over me, helping me feel liberated.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

The Dragonfly

I can see the rainbow from here.
And I walk on the ground of endless diamonds
Feeling it twist beneath my feet
But now I'm falling through the mist
Below and beyond the mystical boundaries of life
My whisper thrown upward, rides on the wind
I want to be with you
I am doing nothing but tasting your feelings
And feeding off your thoughts
As it seems the ocean yearns for freedom
And gets the reflection of life.
As sweet as a dove, and as humble as a lie.
You sit in the sea made of glass
Showing me the dragonfly that has me eluding my fears
I can't find you anywhere.
And I want to drown you in my love, but I'm done tasting the truth
Through the sweetness of my dream.
My illusions can run, but they can't run forever.
And when they stop I will struggle and fight with them - to keep this love alive.
This is everything and more than I could of dreamt of,
The feeling is surreal.
It brings to me, the brightest part of my day.
So when I see the river flow, and the stars in the night shine off it,
I step back to see my desire for true love floating on my soul,
Shining off the face of the water, pressing against my faceless chest.
It tingles from the time you tell me you love me too.
I pray you feel the same way I do.
I get a rush - from the caffeine of the love you breathe and live on.
And the way you live your life,
Makes me feel like the dragon brought to a slaughter.
So help me now Dragonfly, because I need love.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Game Seven

Thrust your hands to the dark sky
And ride like the wind on the steel wings of sin that carry you
And never let it go
The twilight of the night, is shining in the stars.
Everyone knows when you love someone, you cling to it,
So you can honor the fallen soldier.
Your fallen hope.
Every last part of me that has breath
Makes you crumble or fold,
Yet it is that one in a million person,
That makes the whole serene offset our distinctions
And see life clearly through these rosy colored glasses.
It is the monotony
It's the beat that keeps your head bobbin' as you type the words
And it is the words that you type out, that I live out.
It is my one different stroke on my wall of games
But when it comes down to it, life is a like game seven.
You win, or lose.
It is the blacking out and waking up to gray
Tasting blood in your mouth,
To realize you have lost this battle.
And my eyeballs get blood clots from hearing you breathe
But the chattering of your teeth makes me remember how I use to be.
The sound rolling on my skin, feeds me the tingle effect
It is the tenderness of the words
That just keeps rolling off my tongue.
Can you define life?
Or just sit in the shadow of the sun, and wait on the bench for the answer?
You believe it or not.
This game is my only hope,
It is not an antidote to anything.
I lay down my life,
For I play for the history.
When I play, I don't play a game.
I can only speak of my hopes and misfortunes at this sacred place.
It is an understanding to this train wreck I call my life.
But when I finally get up from the struggle
I can see above the horizon.
I give you my destiny to run with,
And shout at my own consent, at top of my lungs on the beach.
I want your symphony, and for your beauty and grace to reflect on the music
My life is a game, if nothing more than a deep piece of music,
Than it is simply a masterpiece in the making.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Reminders

It is me going out after surgery
Toe bandaged up, and heart in pieces.
I can taste nothing,
Nothing but the sweet taste of blood, running into my mouth.
Standing in the mirror looking at my self,
I close the door, and just cry.
Maybe someday I will lure you from the heavens
And the clouds that lay so high above
To enjoy the autumn nights with me.
I begin to taste the salt water trickling in my mouth.
But I am not crying,
And I will - will myself to believe that I'm not.
It is a scene painted by none other - than yours truly.
My face turning a color red,
Like the amber highlights on the trees
Nothing but hopelessness, is controlling me and my thoughts.
And the sun is shooting cool - letting the night know I'm lonely.
I wipe my tears from my eyes as the night draws long,
But the white salty residue is left behind as a permanent reminder.
Of the night, after you.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Lifetime to Live

I talk and write about things that nobody cares about.
So when I come with intent.. it is something new to the mind.
You don't care what I write about..
Or if I write at all.
You are not the reason I keep writing.
I write for the ultimate prize, my piece of mind.
But it kills me if there is censorship to the mind, body and soul
So if I censor myself in front of you
You see no reason to be anything but true.
But when I step out of these defining lines
I am the one who has to redraw them from what is left of chalk dust.
And through the dust we loose the lines of friendship.
Friends are forever.
And if friends put a boundary of time or space between them,
It puts a strain, but does not shake the foundation
If it is true.
For our hearts keep the love that holds us up when we fall.
But what you are calling for is shattering to the memories.
It is all a mixed signal.
Pick up the pieces to the film.
And when its all together you still have pieces gone
It is a scar to the photo.
In the night of a temples evening stone
A gray face is carved in a gray picture
Just a face in the crowd of a circus
But to step out of the shadow of a doubt
Is nothing more but fashionably rude
It is the secret world of words that are not virgin to the mind,
But virgin to the lips.
With the intent to only hurt and crumble hope,
And to deteriorate everything.
So walk out with the faith you were born with
And I will be here for you, rain or shine
Waiting for you, if you stumble or run, you and none others.
Your one true variable sits in the silence hidden by drama.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Time Waves

Getting drunk off of the waves of reality.
These waves burn through my skull,
Getting nauseous off the ups and downs
And the screeching halts breathing..
Reality takes a dive from this tsunami of emotion.
Its funny when you realize your worth is less than you thought it was
It is.. a let down.
Intake.
And realize that you have just been delta.
So enter into the information highway with me
And download success to your fingertips.
It is the closing time in the cafes that never expire.
Hurl the stakes up from your body
From which you were impaled from
And take grip of your world by the horns that elude you.
You are the Monet of many worlds
So what kind of feeling do I bring to you?
It is a bittersweet sorrow
And I don't know how to stop.
But the ironic thing, I don't know if I should.
Speak until your mind is blown
And chat until you get relief from your fear of the water.
Finally getting off of your knees
You realize that you were not drowning in your own waves
Because you live off the retaliation of your fears.
And to what point does it stop you from doing what you want?
It takes a toll on everything it affects
And if it goes uncontrolled - your world crumbles in your hands.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Walking on Gravity

Its some 80's love struck song
That you just can't exit from.
Sitting inside, layered with compassion, and lovestruck eyes.
Its the warmth from the heat of the pulsing speakers,
That is pushing against your heart
It's scary, and you are lost.
My world has been raped by you.
So you bail, turning from it, to nothing but blackness
And you shake yourself, like the leaves overflowing with life,
Doing everything you can, to wake up from this dream
Because the cool weather is nipping at your hands
And it makes you sweat, so you rip your shirt
Only to feel the breeze of darkness
It brings you to this quiet place - injecting you with chills.
You loose yourself between the lines of the song
To discover I'm waiting here
But what is the meaning of this mindless trap?
It's the highway to heaven that only has seething bullets and bombs zoom
And with only a degree of separation from war
The screeching jets flying above
It all is the dynamics life.
Finding yourself putting your hands over your eyes..
And knowing I've up and left.
Never walk away from me,
For I want to be the finest detail of your story.
Please be with me forever,
For I hold my pillow tight, knowing that I dream alone.
My bloodshot eyes turn to look at the light,
And I realize it has all been a highlight,
Of nothing more but a color of a dream.
So paint my reality as you enter my world.
Can you touch my turbulence that is rattling my head?
It has the cultural shock, swirling around the artillery shells
From these shots at my soul
That is now pushing through my veins.
It has me Running through black school halls
And screaming at the devil to play his hand.
So will you live or fall before my eyes?
Will I ever see the light of day?
Or am I stuck in the nightly glare?
It's the perfection of the relevance of the question.
It's a talaban to Satin.
As the psychotic princess presses the scalding ice to her brain
That causes the stillness of space, and a fog
That creates the clearest of gravity that keeps these two feet down.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002