Outside my Bubble

It feels like there is a stone in my stomach
I feel like I have un-finished business.
My emotions are coming out...
People don't understand me, or how deep I really am.
I may be the biggest loser of all time...
So we talked for a year, and then went out for 5 months.
After 5 months - advance 2 years
And I give you the Present time.
You have a boyfriend, last I checked
I have no girlfriend, and nobody even close to being one.
I feel like I need to talk to you...
But my emotions are fading with each second.
What do you feel?
I love to make like there is nothing wrong
I love to feel like I have done everything I could have.
I like to tell myself I am not jealous.
Reality eludes me in my sleep...
It's all out.
I will have questions now, but the truth remains
You were a part of my life for almost 2 years
But then I cut you off - killing what ever emotion was left.
A few months later, I come to my senses and realize what I've done.
My world was crashing all around me...
I try to talk to the females
When I think of myself with someone, things go blurry.
Like a deer in the street at night
The headlights just consume the deer, and he is run off the road.
So this is the inner me - this is my closet...
Did you expect something else?
I need closure - something that has lacked, for what feels like forever.
Will I ever get this closure?
Is this it?...
Questions go round in my head, and spill out in other forms.
Do you know what I know?
I need a girl, I need a life.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002