Driver

He pulled out the garage
And told me to take it easy
But the drivers getting nervous
And making me wheezy
I can see him sweat in his seat,
He wipes his brow and listens to his heart beat in his ears
But I don't really care as long as I get my service.
So blast the radio loud
So I can forget about you
Roll down the window and blow out the smoke
I don't want to choke
A small truth within a lie
I step out of the car
Into a jungle of rage
They tell me to back up
And shove me against a wall
I am trapped
Turned me around and had me plead my knees
On the side walk face down
People stare at me
With pity in their eyes
And as I fade out from this hole in my spine
My life pours out and the hands of time push against me.
I must cure these pains
Or blow out my brains
It's too late cuz now I'm standing over me
Watching me bleed.
My momma's screaming my name
Shakin my face to keep me alive
I told her to take the keys and drive
My temp. is getting hot
It doesn't help that I got this el.' pulsing through my veins
As I see the killer walk off
I realized was caught on the spot.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Hands in Place

Take a little time - too look at the time that you have just spent.
You think you can do this to me?
I am not some blown up embassy.
Look around at the times, such violent times
Which we can do nothing about.
So sit there in your chair, and pull your hair and the tears that come out from your face.
Realize how much of a disgrace you are to everyone.
Cry into your hands, please.
Sink into your self pity, and dream of changing.
That's all you will ever do - dream.
Don't step to me, I don't want part in it
So back up now before I get mad, and take your hands off.
I'm on my own.
Pushing off into my life's pure bliss
Leaving you with a finger up from a fist.
How does it feel to be you?
I hope you soak up the feeling,
Until you feel so dirty you have to change your ways.
Because I cannot stand one more moment of looking at you.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Two points

When I step to this spot,
I am taken to another place.. I am with another cast.
I have nothing to prove to anyone
I am at peace with myself.
Looking at a shot I want so bad im breathless
A running wreck..
But I have my time to think
Through the screams and scares.
I Drive the lane.. spinning past opponents
Gliding into the air, I am undercut
Falling on my back, my eyes look to the stars
Like a scene out of a book,
It is nothing more than mere child's play.
Everyone is silenced for that brief moment
I jump to my feet, and get on defense.
Intensely looking at the ball
The pain in my feet makes me cringe
You think I'm letting you go that easy?
Watching it, and I want it with every muscle in my body.
Smacking for it, I smack his hand,
The Ball sent Careening down the court
I catch up with the ball, and pass it off
My back twists, sending pain in all directions
With the adrenaline pumping I get set
I spot up for the shot
I get the best feeling inside when I feel the leather.
Running my hands over it, I spin into control
Feeling the ball release I know I'm going to make it.
This magic moment - Solo for me.
I could stay here forever.
The ball tears through the stagnant net,
Dust fills the air as the game ends.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Unfinished Work

The darkness in the night stands on me
Layering the coolness
Like a freeze frame,
Motionless in time, but never-ending.
Caught in my hopes
I am lost.
The shores of a beach receding away,
Like my faith in life.
The big screen appears,
And my life continues.
Help me space out my unfathomable
I put words to the unspeakable.
But how can you shape the space between me and God?
The walls close in on me
Crashing down on me, I cry out to God.
Will he hear me?
Am I an angel without wings?
Or a devil without fangs
The truth?
Look beyond me, beyond the stereotypes and the conformity
Look into my brown eyes
Time is ticking away for the people of this world.
I am never found, I am unfinished
A paper unread, a book misplaced.
The lightness touches my lips,
And I think of my friends
Who touch me deeply through innocence.
Lose one friend, lose all friends
Lose all friends - lose identity.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Outside my Bubble

It feels like there is a stone in my stomach
I feel like I have un-finished business.
My emotions are coming out...
People don't understand me, or how deep I really am.
I may be the biggest loser of all time...
So we talked for a year, and then went out for 5 months.
After 5 months - advance 2 years
And I give you the Present time.
You have a boyfriend, last I checked
I have no girlfriend, and nobody even close to being one.
I feel like I need to talk to you...
But my emotions are fading with each second.
What do you feel?
I love to make like there is nothing wrong
I love to feel like I have done everything I could have.
I like to tell myself I am not jealous.
Reality eludes me in my sleep...
It's all out.
I will have questions now, but the truth remains
You were a part of my life for almost 2 years
But then I cut you off - killing what ever emotion was left.
A few months later, I come to my senses and realize what I've done.
My world was crashing all around me...
I try to talk to the females
When I think of myself with someone, things go blurry.
Like a deer in the street at night
The headlights just consume the deer, and he is run off the road.
So this is the inner me - this is my closet...
Did you expect something else?
I need closure - something that has lacked, for what feels like forever.
Will I ever get this closure?
Is this it?...
Questions go round in my head, and spill out in other forms.
Do you know what I know?
I need a girl, I need a life.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Empty Inside

A man walks into a cold, dark room
He walks over to a storage area and picks up a box.
This leather object would be a stranger to anybody else
But not him.
Sitting down on this old shut down stage
The chair sent goosebumps to his skin with memories
He fumbled for his keys in his pockets
Now, keys in hand he stood gazing out into the open black auditorium, reminiscing
A light turned on directly over his seat
Taking the keys, he touched the cool metal, searching for a key hole
The jingle of the keys fell silent in the room, as he found what he was looking for.
The sound of the case unlocking clicked in the darkness
The man slowly unzipped and unpacked his treasure.
The smell of wood and rosin fills his face as he opens it
Taking the instrument in one hand, and the bow firmly in the other
He started to play, at first a timid sound came out of the instrument that he held
As his body movements kicked in, so did the sound.
The intensity and the passion poured out of his body
Being magnified by the red violin
The artist got up and walked around the room with ease
Playing his life's tune
Exuberant and full of joy the man filled the room with color.
The rosin flew off the strings before him, forming a cloud
The artist - unfazed at this played through it
He plugged in his heartache and misfortune
And his happiness and love to create a masterpiece.
The man stopped playing on a resounding key
Wisking the bow off the string, the violin rang clear.
The room was warm, padded with music and art
Sitting back down in his seat he smiled as he looked at the instrument
"Whenever I need you - you're here."
The light dimmed to nothing as the man put everything back just like it was found.
Quietly, the man walked out the door grinning with peace.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Racing with a Demon

As I walk to my car
Over pools of antifreeze
I open the car door and sit down
Turning the keys into the ignition,
The pistons rumble with raw power
It churns in your brain like a hot pistol
Shifting gears
I am flushed with adrenaline
Speeding along with an ice cold sweat
Passing life by, so I can forget
Dripping with intensity, I burn for more
Grinding the pedal into the floor
Pictures taken and helicopters soar
Everything moving into a blur
The streetlight falls,
And emotions run high
There is no easy way to say goodbye
Like a smoldering ember, I glow with the wind
This is where I am taken, I have not sinned
Careening down this cold wet street
As my temples pulsate, from the heat
In a race against time, I finally win.
Gliding through the air
Feeling pleasure unparalleled
The storm has cleared
What do you still fear?
A cloudy thought, the wipers on
Cleansing the passion inside of me.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Reflections of the Past

Looking In the mirror I can see my eyes
Staring blankly back into me
I have no tears left to flow
The ocean is still just as cool as snow
Are you good to go?
Covered up like a deer
And as innocent as a newborn
You are alert, hearing things unspoken
Falling deaf on the ear, but loud to the soul
Behold the stormy weather pushing ahead
Backing me into a corner, leaving me for dead
Too tired to fight
Drained as a desert.
I can feel the cool morning breeze tingle my skin
And the soft spoken words calm my fears
As I stand convicted
You know that I did it, just like you predicted.
The old record skips, like my heartbeat for you
Oh man, I did it again.
When shall I move on?
When your boyfriends gone.
Hey man, I'm talking' to you
What you wear in gold chains,
Is what you lack in brains
But you have reason to worry,
Because when you start
To take part - In hurting my love
I will wear the glove
The beginning of the end
And if you're smart, it will start
The fear in you
Ending the pain for my love.
My tongue is a sword
So I can't afford to lose you again.
By saying something foolish again.
When I look in your eyes
My knees turn to jelly
Then I get a hot sweat,
Wiping my forehead, and breaking out in chills
You catch the attention of dollarbills, and the green eyes on your pretty face.
Astonished by your beauty and grace
You keep your pace, ahead of the game.
And my hands jam into my pockets,
As you turn to me, a shot is fired.
I jump on you, bringing down the admired,
The red is real, and so is the blood.
Must I go out with a bang?
Promise to remember my name.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Skeletons

I have always had my dreams.
In school I would drift off, caught in my minds waterfall of thoughts,
Most of the times I would think of something tragic happening.
And me - being the self-condemned loser, would save the day.
I can picture a school falling apart near students,
Everyone running for there lives.
But not me, I would run and make it in time to save the person in distress.
I would become an instant hero,
That special someone, that's who I would save.
With my peers, I would be more famous than you can dream about,
That person you always wanted to impress - in my case - Nikki
Would now try to impress me.
I am dreaming.
I had Nikki stick up for me once,
Rochelle was making a fuss over a game - picking on me.
But Nikki looked into my eyes and saw that I was tight lipped.
Not going to say anything, and just let her go on until she was done.
One of the most celebrated times of my life,
She spoke up to her, and got in her face.
For me
A small incident - but something that changed me,
And the way I think about people

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

The Little Boy

Sitting down upon the cement
A little boy, with hopes and dreams sat in the sunlight
He grabbed into the grass to snatch a crayon.
The people walked aimlessly before him, and didn't acknowledge him either
Until one person came up to him and asked;
"What in the world are you drawing little boy?"
The big innocent eyes glanced up at the man speaking
Little arms and fingers grabbed hold of the sheet and the boy showed the man
"What a nice drawing!" said the man
No longer intent on drawing, the boy got up and started his walk home
Walking home alongside buildings; everyone was running with fear
The boy tugged at a man watching the TV next to others, asking what was wrong?
Standing mesmerized the man wiped away dust and tears to say
"Something terrible has happened"
Almost instantly the boy heard the reporter talk,
Intent on finding out what happened, the boy saw images that would be carved into his memory.
The boy then looked terrified as he watched in awe of the world around him.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Checking the Time

Happily married for 30 years.
But it didn't start out this way
We escaped death, and here's my story.
It was my fiancée and myself
Going to skydive out of this plane
This little propeller engine, and this massive sky
Trained with two strangers, two partners
Who would take this trip of life with me
We prepared to load the three seater plane
My fiancée and her jumping partner went first
I waited until it was my turn, to stare at death and laugh.
Taking off like a dove from a hand
The plane soared through the sky
The plane screamed above us, higher and higher
I turned away, to check the time.
The time expired.
The plane crashed as smoothly as it took off
The instructor comforted me,
She told me everything was going to be okay,
In tears - she told me that she was there for me.
I went home and cried to my father as he stood looking at me.
He gazed at me with no compassion,
Embracing him, I shivered for it felt like he had ice in his veins.
I respected him none the less, like any other child would.
I talked to my instructor, and after a long time a date was arranged.
This person - who no more than a year ago was a complete stranger to me
Is now my wife.
We are in love, and forever to stay that way.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Surreal

The silence is surrounding me.
I get up and take my place on this field
Gazing around, looking at an empty stadium
The feeling is too much
Starting to walk I hear my feet crush the grass beneath me
And the dew is tracked with bits of grass on my shoe
I look up to a corner I would always sit in
Now reflecting on everything I have once done.
Taking everything for granted - I get a lump in my throat
Sanddust filled my throat, and a heavy breathing filled my body
Turning around to a massive field I see a soul
Beautiful as an angel, and quiet as a distant breeze
She walks to me, and moves her lips
I look into her eyes, and embrace her.
Like a lighting bolt, I am struck by the blood drawn from this hug
Everything spinning, in back and white flashing before my eyes
Elated by the past and stricken by surprise with the future
Everything is brought into focus
As I turn to the stands in pain and happiness I see new things
Looking back to see nothing, only the lights
Staring down at me

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

My eyes

My eyes are filled with water.
I am not tired, I am not sad.
It is raining.
Swimming with a rain coat
Rubber boots and a pale.
Would you bathe with me in the sea
Or maybe dance with me?
Just keep on romancing
For I am dancing with your eloquent romance
Give me a kiss of sorrow as you send me on my way
Alone
But my tears devour your soul as I walk away
I know I am going to crash into your world without you.
You have abused me, or have I just abused myself?
Save the last dance for me
I just cannot get enough of you.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Go with the flow

I am moving like a piece of fog
Drifting endlessly, where the wind takes me
I am in love, going with the flow
The sun is up and caressing my cheeks
I can feel it burning me up, but only until I explode.
Don't take my love away.
She must go with you, or have regrets of tomorrow
I am saddened just thinking about it
Like giving up your child - because you are dying
I love her so much; I would do anything to make her happy
But this?
So pass me the needle, so I can tell her to go
"Go with him"
My chest heaves heavily with sadness
"You love him, not me - make no regrets, don't let him get away!"
I am choking on my own tears
Selfishly I think to myself - Please don't go.
As now I am caught in a storm of emotion
I raise my head to see nobody
Nobody is here anymore, just myself and my regrets
I am moving like a piece of fog
Jumping off this bridge and into the water like no others

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Soaked

I am sitting in the rain - soaked
Jumping in the ocean with my raincoat on
Watching the art of nature make me who I am.
The old man tells a joke as the loser forces a smile
The teacher pleading with students
I will be here for you
I am be finding my place, and myself
But I will continue to grow
I am pushed worlds away - but that won't stop me
Moving closer to some, farther from others
The wolf cries in the night
The devil dealing a man his soul back to him
If you need someone to lean on
Go grab a chair; you look like you need one
Take me now or take me never
Flat lined.
Did you hear me?
Take me now or never
-
Too late, never just arrived.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Dark Alleys

The cold metal pressed against my skin
Flashes of hot and cold
Me in and out of conciseness
It all started with a crack of a bat
And a sea of shattered glass pouring on the ground
My heart pounding so loudly in my ears, I cannot hear.
My veins pumping with toxin
I am strapped with TNT
So those who take me out can come with me
I said take me to my place,
He refused to cooperate - so I took him out back
I had him get on his knees and cry to me
Pistol whipped and passed out
I ran to my place, through the alleys
But I was stopped during the night
Where the skies were dark as midnight
And the alleys as dark as my soul
I am in the hot-seat now
Now I am the one coming to terms with people in Dark places
I cannot see him, but I can feel the iron pressing harder against my skull
Then my heart jumped and my hopes fell
I heard the gun load - the trigger pull.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Flowing

I am flowing on this river, taking me places against my force
The turbulent waves smash into my little ship
Making it crack and fall apart into little pieces
I am almost hurled over board, but I have caught myself
I am alone in this wondrous place, and that terrifies my soul
I go down this storm of water, free falling
Fighting for life, with no avail
My face plunges into the water below, cracking every hope I have to survive
As I close my eyes all I see is white suits and champagne pouring from the heavens
The celebration, we are all dripping with emotion now
Pure happiness and a new profound respect for life after death

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Scared

The problem is right in front of me
Looking at me in the face - gazing into me.
Let's just say it, we can't get along, and no matter how much we try we just can't
Well what about the last few years?
Oh yes, that's the past isn't it.
A long history of a past and cowardice about my friend.
If I can even still call him that.
You think we're better off being just acquaintances and not close friends
I think we should be friends, but I am the only one trying.
I am the one putting the effort in - and getting nothing worth while.
I'll let you decide because I am the one who is getting tired of trying
I need some final resolution - something I can't turn my back on.
You have hurt me, and the blood has covered my face.
It has stained me.
Only where my tears have been rolling down my face
Is where you can start to see my natural wonder?
I don't want to think of it again.
Like a spot on the carpet, it needs to be removed
No matter how much it hurts, it must be cleaned so it can heal.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Out of Time

I give in.
No longer searching for someone to care for
But what is this?
This thing of beauty and of wonder
I'm not driving a car
How should I know the signals?
Someone to think about.
That's what I needed - that's what I have
Where do I go from here?
My time is limited.
I play my options out in my head
What shall I do?
Every week I think about her
I like her - I wonder does she like me?
Childish questions fill my head
Making me feel more like a child than adult.
Am I once again reading more into something than I should?
The threat of saying something - to be wrong can ruin things
I don't want to spoil a friendship
Or am I prolonging something better...
This is my dilemma.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Floodgates

There are puddles of dreams everywhere
Always drying up, but the residue still lingers.
These are the floodgates
That holds people back from being abnormal.
A passion to be something
It beats
And it pounds like the stereo speakers on full blast
And a runner's heart
It beats me to the ground
I'm speechless in these times of need
So I sit and listen to my unfathomable breathing
And the people crying
The heart beat pounds in my soul
You have lost me, and I can't find you
The mist in a fog - the trees in the forest
All things are clear to you, but combine the two and I'm mystified.
I am blind, leading the blind.
Come into control and come out of the pastime
It won't take away your pain, but it's a start in the right direction
Follow the stars in the sky - they shine for you.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002