Reflections of the Past

Looking In the mirror I can see my eyes
Staring blankly back into me
I have no tears left to flow
The ocean is still just as cool as snow
Are you good to go?
Covered up like a deer
And as innocent as a newborn
You are alert, hearing things unspoken
Falling deaf on the ear, but loud to the soul
Behold the stormy weather pushing ahead
Backing me into a corner, leaving me for dead
Too tired to fight
Drained as a desert.
I can feel the cool morning breeze tingle my skin
And the soft spoken words calm my fears
As I stand convicted
You know that I did it, just like you predicted.
The old record skips, like my heartbeat for you
Oh man, I did it again.
When shall I move on?
When your boyfriends gone.
Hey man, I'm talking' to you
What you wear in gold chains,
Is what you lack in brains
But you have reason to worry,
Because when you start
To take part - In hurting my love
I will wear the glove
The beginning of the end
And if you're smart, it will start
The fear in you
Ending the pain for my love.
My tongue is a sword
So I can't afford to lose you again.
By saying something foolish again.
When I look in your eyes
My knees turn to jelly
Then I get a hot sweat,
Wiping my forehead, and breaking out in chills
You catch the attention of dollarbills, and the green eyes on your pretty face.
Astonished by your beauty and grace
You keep your pace, ahead of the game.
And my hands jam into my pockets,
As you turn to me, a shot is fired.
I jump on you, bringing down the admired,
The red is real, and so is the blood.
Must I go out with a bang?
Promise to remember my name.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Skeletons

I have always had my dreams.
In school I would drift off, caught in my minds waterfall of thoughts,
Most of the times I would think of something tragic happening.
And me - being the self-condemned loser, would save the day.
I can picture a school falling apart near students,
Everyone running for there lives.
But not me, I would run and make it in time to save the person in distress.
I would become an instant hero,
That special someone, that's who I would save.
With my peers, I would be more famous than you can dream about,
That person you always wanted to impress - in my case - Nikki
Would now try to impress me.
I am dreaming.
I had Nikki stick up for me once,
Rochelle was making a fuss over a game - picking on me.
But Nikki looked into my eyes and saw that I was tight lipped.
Not going to say anything, and just let her go on until she was done.
One of the most celebrated times of my life,
She spoke up to her, and got in her face.
For me
A small incident - but something that changed me,
And the way I think about people

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

The Little Boy

Sitting down upon the cement
A little boy, with hopes and dreams sat in the sunlight
He grabbed into the grass to snatch a crayon.
The people walked aimlessly before him, and didn't acknowledge him either
Until one person came up to him and asked;
"What in the world are you drawing little boy?"
The big innocent eyes glanced up at the man speaking
Little arms and fingers grabbed hold of the sheet and the boy showed the man
"What a nice drawing!" said the man
No longer intent on drawing, the boy got up and started his walk home
Walking home alongside buildings; everyone was running with fear
The boy tugged at a man watching the TV next to others, asking what was wrong?
Standing mesmerized the man wiped away dust and tears to say
"Something terrible has happened"
Almost instantly the boy heard the reporter talk,
Intent on finding out what happened, the boy saw images that would be carved into his memory.
The boy then looked terrified as he watched in awe of the world around him.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Checking the Time

Happily married for 30 years.
But it didn't start out this way
We escaped death, and here's my story.
It was my fiancée and myself
Going to skydive out of this plane
This little propeller engine, and this massive sky
Trained with two strangers, two partners
Who would take this trip of life with me
We prepared to load the three seater plane
My fiancée and her jumping partner went first
I waited until it was my turn, to stare at death and laugh.
Taking off like a dove from a hand
The plane soared through the sky
The plane screamed above us, higher and higher
I turned away, to check the time.
The time expired.
The plane crashed as smoothly as it took off
The instructor comforted me,
She told me everything was going to be okay,
In tears - she told me that she was there for me.
I went home and cried to my father as he stood looking at me.
He gazed at me with no compassion,
Embracing him, I shivered for it felt like he had ice in his veins.
I respected him none the less, like any other child would.
I talked to my instructor, and after a long time a date was arranged.
This person - who no more than a year ago was a complete stranger to me
Is now my wife.
We are in love, and forever to stay that way.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Surreal

The silence is surrounding me.
I get up and take my place on this field
Gazing around, looking at an empty stadium
The feeling is too much
Starting to walk I hear my feet crush the grass beneath me
And the dew is tracked with bits of grass on my shoe
I look up to a corner I would always sit in
Now reflecting on everything I have once done.
Taking everything for granted - I get a lump in my throat
Sanddust filled my throat, and a heavy breathing filled my body
Turning around to a massive field I see a soul
Beautiful as an angel, and quiet as a distant breeze
She walks to me, and moves her lips
I look into her eyes, and embrace her.
Like a lighting bolt, I am struck by the blood drawn from this hug
Everything spinning, in back and white flashing before my eyes
Elated by the past and stricken by surprise with the future
Everything is brought into focus
As I turn to the stands in pain and happiness I see new things
Looking back to see nothing, only the lights
Staring down at me

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

My eyes

My eyes are filled with water.
I am not tired, I am not sad.
It is raining.
Swimming with a rain coat
Rubber boots and a pale.
Would you bathe with me in the sea
Or maybe dance with me?
Just keep on romancing
For I am dancing with your eloquent romance
Give me a kiss of sorrow as you send me on my way
Alone
But my tears devour your soul as I walk away
I know I am going to crash into your world without you.
You have abused me, or have I just abused myself?
Save the last dance for me
I just cannot get enough of you.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Go with the flow

I am moving like a piece of fog
Drifting endlessly, where the wind takes me
I am in love, going with the flow
The sun is up and caressing my cheeks
I can feel it burning me up, but only until I explode.
Don't take my love away.
She must go with you, or have regrets of tomorrow
I am saddened just thinking about it
Like giving up your child - because you are dying
I love her so much; I would do anything to make her happy
But this?
So pass me the needle, so I can tell her to go
"Go with him"
My chest heaves heavily with sadness
"You love him, not me - make no regrets, don't let him get away!"
I am choking on my own tears
Selfishly I think to myself - Please don't go.
As now I am caught in a storm of emotion
I raise my head to see nobody
Nobody is here anymore, just myself and my regrets
I am moving like a piece of fog
Jumping off this bridge and into the water like no others

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Soaked

I am sitting in the rain - soaked
Jumping in the ocean with my raincoat on
Watching the art of nature make me who I am.
The old man tells a joke as the loser forces a smile
The teacher pleading with students
I will be here for you
I am be finding my place, and myself
But I will continue to grow
I am pushed worlds away - but that won't stop me
Moving closer to some, farther from others
The wolf cries in the night
The devil dealing a man his soul back to him
If you need someone to lean on
Go grab a chair; you look like you need one
Take me now or take me never
Flat lined.
Did you hear me?
Take me now or never
-
Too late, never just arrived.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Dark Alleys

The cold metal pressed against my skin
Flashes of hot and cold
Me in and out of conciseness
It all started with a crack of a bat
And a sea of shattered glass pouring on the ground
My heart pounding so loudly in my ears, I cannot hear.
My veins pumping with toxin
I am strapped with TNT
So those who take me out can come with me
I said take me to my place,
He refused to cooperate - so I took him out back
I had him get on his knees and cry to me
Pistol whipped and passed out
I ran to my place, through the alleys
But I was stopped during the night
Where the skies were dark as midnight
And the alleys as dark as my soul
I am in the hot-seat now
Now I am the one coming to terms with people in Dark places
I cannot see him, but I can feel the iron pressing harder against my skull
Then my heart jumped and my hopes fell
I heard the gun load - the trigger pull.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Flowing

I am flowing on this river, taking me places against my force
The turbulent waves smash into my little ship
Making it crack and fall apart into little pieces
I am almost hurled over board, but I have caught myself
I am alone in this wondrous place, and that terrifies my soul
I go down this storm of water, free falling
Fighting for life, with no avail
My face plunges into the water below, cracking every hope I have to survive
As I close my eyes all I see is white suits and champagne pouring from the heavens
The celebration, we are all dripping with emotion now
Pure happiness and a new profound respect for life after death

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Scared

The problem is right in front of me
Looking at me in the face - gazing into me.
Let's just say it, we can't get along, and no matter how much we try we just can't
Well what about the last few years?
Oh yes, that's the past isn't it.
A long history of a past and cowardice about my friend.
If I can even still call him that.
You think we're better off being just acquaintances and not close friends
I think we should be friends, but I am the only one trying.
I am the one putting the effort in - and getting nothing worth while.
I'll let you decide because I am the one who is getting tired of trying
I need some final resolution - something I can't turn my back on.
You have hurt me, and the blood has covered my face.
It has stained me.
Only where my tears have been rolling down my face
Is where you can start to see my natural wonder?
I don't want to think of it again.
Like a spot on the carpet, it needs to be removed
No matter how much it hurts, it must be cleaned so it can heal.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Out of Time

I give in.
No longer searching for someone to care for
But what is this?
This thing of beauty and of wonder
I'm not driving a car
How should I know the signals?
Someone to think about.
That's what I needed - that's what I have
Where do I go from here?
My time is limited.
I play my options out in my head
What shall I do?
Every week I think about her
I like her - I wonder does she like me?
Childish questions fill my head
Making me feel more like a child than adult.
Am I once again reading more into something than I should?
The threat of saying something - to be wrong can ruin things
I don't want to spoil a friendship
Or am I prolonging something better...
This is my dilemma.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Floodgates

There are puddles of dreams everywhere
Always drying up, but the residue still lingers.
These are the floodgates
That holds people back from being abnormal.
A passion to be something
It beats
And it pounds like the stereo speakers on full blast
And a runner's heart
It beats me to the ground
I'm speechless in these times of need
So I sit and listen to my unfathomable breathing
And the people crying
The heart beat pounds in my soul
You have lost me, and I can't find you
The mist in a fog - the trees in the forest
All things are clear to you, but combine the two and I'm mystified.
I am blind, leading the blind.
Come into control and come out of the pastime
It won't take away your pain, but it's a start in the right direction
Follow the stars in the sky - they shine for you.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Quiet Mornings

I look through this sapphire stained glass, and I see myself.
This is the art of life.
Take my hand, and walk with me through this silent residence.
Watch the fire rise up in the distant skies below the heavens
The dark ones, who seek us in a vengeance - fail again.
An insurmountable amount of silence rests in me.
I am composed, and in discussion.
Galaxies of wonder organize in my thought.
My knees start to give
I am drowsy, and weak in character
Those mystified eyes fixed on me.
Sip upon the coffee, and become one with me.
And embark upon the issues of life before we go about our day.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

A Lapse in Time

I am caught in a lapse in time,
Going to and where, I know not
A dime a dozen
Like the old re-runs of Taxi
There's tranquility in my soul as I see the cat lying down
Staring up in a way only he knows
The rain is outside falling
Bringing life to once lifeless objects
Silence rests on everything but the window
Where you can hear the rain gently tapping,
Opening the door I feel the wind rush in
Bringing cool weather and a slight chill
I can only walk outside in the middle of nothing
And just stand
I let the rain soak me and cleanse my body,
Soaked and filled with happiness
I start to drift away, until I can no longer tell day from night.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Give up

I can't look in the mirror.
Do you see what I see?
I want to look further into myself
Look into these eyes.
Come and see my point of view of everything
You don't know what I know
You haven't seen what I've seen.
Am I destroying myself?
Or just preparing myself for the truth
Either way I want to move past it,
But is there a way?
Where there's a will there's a way
Well that's what they say,
Is it time to give up?
To just give in?
Let everything everyone said be true.
You know it is anyway right?
I need a way out because I'm trapped
I'm in a black box, not able to get out.
The future is coming, people don't understand
I look forward to it each day.
The glassy look in my eyes will break
The flame in the back of my eyes is coming brighter each day.
Each day I try to change
Everyday I fail.
I can't give up, that's not like me.
People think it is, but they don't know me.
Annoying is what it gets
To read the same things over and over
Just different phrases
It will all change soon.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

The Motions

I have no life.
I try to get out of this rut
Fallen
Like a car spinning with its wheels in mud
It is no use,
I need a push from behind.
Am I living?
No true emotion
No feeling
I'm numb
Don't get mad at me
I only seek to tell the truth
Do you understand what its like?
To look for love in loveless issues.
I seek for things that were never
I am a dreamer,
I think, therefore I am.
No longer waking up wanting to go on
Waking up just to go through the motions.
I write people
Looking for a reply, so they can acknowledge me
Then maybe I can have a new friend.
Then maybe ill be someone in the eyes of others
Maybe not - I'm looking for myself
A purpose - a meaning
That's all I'm searching for.
Life is a like a grandfather clock and through all the years it works,
Yet when it brakes down you don't just leave it.
You fix it, and it continues
But I am not a repairman.
And my seconds are wearing thin

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Victorian's Grace

There's a feeling in my soul that I can't ignore,
Like someone standing at my door,
Voices call me to come
And I leave to see what I can do.
The sight of this lover's game breaks your heart.
So I am to crumble at the sound of your voice.
Take my breath away,
And let us dance the night away
As we listen to Victorian's romances
We are miles away from reality
In this world there are two people, you and I.
Our feelings for each other shall be never ending.
It is a stand off of love.
And who will win this heartfelt match?
We can only tell if we relax and listen to the sounds.
So turn down the music, and ill listen to your angelic grace
Whisper into my ear as we dance the night away.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Through the fire

I'm doused with gasoline
And the fire's burning strong
My voice is faded
Through the fire, my life is on the wire.
The flames are burning hot
But I am still standing.
You look for control, but it's out of reach.
Now I stand strong.
Through the fire, you can only make out my eyes,
Burning into your memory.
My voice stands strong,
I have made it through
And you can feel me radiate
I am soaring higher than what the flames once burned.
Do not run
Do not shy away,
Because you have only begun to see
What I am capable of doing.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002

Just As Good

A male having the same parents as another
Or one parent in common with another.
Commonly known as a brother.
You were my antidote to slitting the wrists,
We all know that I wouldn't do that
But when times got hard
And the family was put on the line
You would come through for me.
The things you have went through with me,
The times we have spent, cannot be taken away.
Take anything we have done, and we can laugh about it now
We related more than can be descried.
Through thick and thin, I could turn to you.
You never turned on me, and we had our moments
But after all of it I can say
I trust you with my life
You don't come along every few years
A true friend like you, someone can only find but once in their life.
You sly dog you, you are even warm hearted
And care for others.
I am not quite sure how we got to start talking,
But the things we have been through nothing can compare to.
A brother is a person of blood -
Who has a good relationship with siblings, - in theory of course.
So even though you aren't a blood brother,
You are a friend, and a real brother to me.
You can't pick your family, and your friends pick you.
Thanks for being you bro.

Poem by J.A.D. © 2002